It was a morning like any other . . .
Except my wife is out of the country, my oldest son, who is home for Spring Break, took my middle son to a track meet at 6:45 in the morning and my daughter is having a DJ over at 9am to plan her wedding and reception sound and music, of which she reminds me at 8:11am as she prepares to go pick up her fiance . . .
Being a very competent, equal partner, I begin straightening in a manner worthy of the standards of my absent spouse. No problem. I’ve got this. 49 minutes to spotless.
I open the cabinet door to throw away a scrap of paper – and trash falls out. Okay, I can deal with an overflowing trashcan. “J_,” (the youngest son is still home) “come take out the trash. NOW!” I pull out the can and remove the bag. Replacing it with a fresh bag, I go to put the can back in the cabinet when I discover a pizza box, several wrappers of various sorts and a paper plate pressed into the back of the cabinet. As I reach to the back of the cabinet to retrieve the A.W.O.L. trash, I notice a peculiar odor, somewhat akin to slightly sweetened moldy salad greens with a rancid grease dressing on the side.
Knowing this would be unacceptable to leave once discovered, I grabbed my trusty all-purpose cleaner of choice – Formula 409. After a generous soaking I scoured all the interior surfaces thoroughly. While I was there, I might as well do the door, right? A good soaking, a good scouring – practically like new.
But, what about the cabinets next to the trash door. In comparison to the newly cleaned door, they look absolutely hideous. I have a few minutes. And plenty of 409. I’ll just clean down to the corner. 7 drawers and a cabinet door and no more . . .But the cabinet door is a split door on a 90 degree angle for the corner. I can’t just do half the door! But now, I have turned the corner. What about the next door. I’ll just go down to the dishwasher. More 409 soaking and scouring and sweating (it’s a little warm in here this morning) and now there are two more beautifully clean doors.
You know, I never really noticed how dirty the kick plate on the dish washer is. Or the upper face plate for that matter. They’re supposed to be white, for cryin’ out loud, not dingy grey. More 409. Lots more 409 – these textured surfaces are hard to clean. Maybe if I soak it for a few minutes. Now all I have left is one more corner cabinet. I can’t leave just one cabinet door uncleaned.
Okay, 8:49. 11 minutes to spotless. I’ve got this . . .