Do Poor People Game the System?

Posted on December 12, 2013 by jimtheyouthguy

“Do [you] know any poor people personally?” Many actually. From working in food pantries, with addicts and “career homeless” I’ve come to know and love many. When I see one of “my guys” sitting on a bus stop bench, I stop and talk. Sometimes we do lunch. Occasionally I’ll buy some groceries or put money on their phone. When I see “one of my girls” walking the street, I stop and talk. Sometimes we grab a cup of coffee. Often I visit them in jail. Occasionally I’ll put some money on their phone, give them a ride, let them use my computer or put them up in a hotel for the night so they can get cleaned up and sleep safe.
I understand Van’s point, but I would say motivation matters. Yes, I have been used by “users”. I’ve been lied to and manipulated. That’s okay. “They” are worth it. But, a few dollars handed to a guy holding a sign is not going to change much of anything. Unfortunately, it often excuses making the effort and sacrifice that is truly required. Many times, it serves to soothe our own conscience and justify our own self interest, i.e. “I gave some money to the panhandler down there, so it’s okay for me to have the latest, greatest, most wonderful thing I want!”
Give the money, but more importantly, give time. Treat them like a real human being. Talk to them. Share a meal with them. Don’t go buy them a jacket, give them yours and do without for awhile. Remember them by name. Look for them. Pray for them. Talk to them every chance you get.
When you are no longer talking about “homeless”, “poor people” and “addicts”, but, rather, Jim, James, Suzie, Angela, Jimmy (yeah, James seems to be a really common name among “my guys”), Doug, Ashley, Ashley, James, Isaac, Michael, Tara, Jeanette . . ., you will be ready to ask the questions that matter.
Do “poor people game the system”? Absolutely. The same way nearly everyone else I know. Whether it is cash to avoid taxes or leaving the tags on the expensive whatever so it can be returned after using it for that “event”, the “non poor” often “game the system”. Coming back from visiting one of “my girls” in jail, I picked up another one walking back into town after being released. The first thing she asked me to do was to take her to get her food stamp card so she could sell it to get cash so she could “take care of her stuff”. This is commonplace. Generally you can get 50 cents on the dollar for your food stamps card. I was visiting one of “my guys” and he asked me to tell the guy who was holding his card that it should have money on it now so he could sell it for $100 to make bail According to the addicts, hardly any of the money they receive for food (usually $200 – in our state, just about anyone who is unemployed is pretty much guaranteed this amount) goes for food.
Does this mean everyone is selling their food stamps? Of course not! Does it mean we need better control – yep.
I don’t ever want to have the attitude, “I’m not going to help you, because you are just using me.” But, I love too many of these folks and I don’t want to help them stay in their destructive lifestyle. Too many times we think the answer is material resource (money). Usually it is far more complex. It is time to stop spreading our “resources” over the maximum number of people and helping so few find real freedom. In the end, it will be far more effective to help one to wholeness over the course of 3 to 5 years and then move on to the next than to pour all of our effort into the rat hole of helping “everyone”.
Though it is seductive to think, “if we can just conquer this big thing, everything else will follow,” the reality is there are many, many components to address. If there are 15 different issues ranging from low reading level to hopelessness, you better tackle at least 9 of them or you are wasting your time.
I highly recommend “When Helping Hurts” (Corbett & Fikkert) and check out whenhelpinghurts.org.

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Awareness Awareness – Virtual Activism

Posted on December 11, 2013 by jimtheyouthguy

End Human Trafficking.

End Child Abuse.

End Suicide.

End Apartheid/ Discrimination/ Racism/ Hate/ Violence/ Ignorance/ Hunger/ AIDS/ Malaria/ Tuberculosis/ Animal Cruelty/ Homelessness/ Drug Abuse/ Rape/ Slavery/ Dihydrogen Monoxide Deaths . . .

We have a cause for everything.  Even things, if we are really honest with ourselves, aren’t even problems – just things we don’t like.  We can work ourselves into a frenzy about things that are happening on the other side of the world while remaining blissfully unaware of the heinous acts occurring across the street.

A classic example is death by the chemical dihydrogen monoxide.  This chemical can cause death in as little as 3 minutes when exposure exceeds safe levels and nearly every home in Americas has sufficient quantity to kill adult, let alone a small child.  In fact, this chemical is a leading cause of death among children under the age of 5 – many of them in their own home.  The death rate in the United States has remained constant at approximately 4,150 deaths a year.  Despite it’s well known deadly potential, the primary provider of this chemical is our local governments!  You can read all the shocking facts here.

Okay, enough of that – dihydrogen monoxid (DHMO) is water.

If you go to the DHMO.org site, you can see the abundant use of statistics, emotionally charged illustrations and deliberate omissions – all designed to raise your awareness and to push you into action.  Every now and then, this one will resurface and catch someone off guard and you will see a flurry of activity to once again raise awareness to the dangers of DHMO.

Social media and internet journalism have been a powerful force in shaping opinion, raising awareness, crowdfunding, mobilization and political activism.  Don’t misunderstand, I believe much has been accomplished through these movements – much of it of great value.  However, something has gotten lost.

We have begun to discover the dark side of Virtual Activism – the place where we get to feel really good about doing something really great and yet it costs us very little and accomplishes next to nothing.

I was recently speaking to a man in his 70s (actually, I was a captive audience on a 20 minute car ride) who rode the buses in Selma and later was a paralegal with Amnesty International.  We solved many of the nations problems on that car ride.  One of the things he noticed was the volume of talk on a mountain of issues, but virtually no one with a shovel trying to dig us out.

Many times, awareness becomes just a marketing vehicle for an industry or product.  Check out breast cancer awareness money raised by selling products containing carcinogens.  Or how about the chemical industry giant funding breast cancer awareness while producing and marketing the toxins known to cause cancer.

Why do we need a national organization to put an angel on a tree for us to buy a gift for the child that lives 3 doors down?  Why do we need to spend millions of dollars on awareness campaigns to recruit people to read with children?

Of course we should talk about these issues.  Yes, we should organize and bring resources to bear.  But mostly, we should do something.  It’s too easy to hide behind a donation that is “a little less than $1 a day” or “what we spend on eating out just once a month.”  We are so quick to equate arguing and convincing with impacting.  We have to do more than the least that we could do.

By all means, sponsor a child, wear a ribbon, give up one fast food meal a month, but more importantly find a way to spend 6 to 8 hours a month touching a life.  The opportunities are endless.

End Awareness!

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To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before

Posted on December 4, 2013 by jimtheyouthguy

Yesterday was our 25th wedding anniversary.  We have returned to St. Augustine to the same Bed & Breakfast in which we honeymooned.  It has changed (both the Old City and the B&B).  A lot.

So have we.

I am not the same man I was when we got married.  That’s a good thing.  He was arrogant, inexperienced, self-indulgent and self-absorbed – not real good husband material.  I’ve grown up quite a bit since then (as opposed to “grown old”).

My wife’s not the same girl I married either.  In fact, we have each gone through many stages and changes in our lives.  Some of the changes are so profound, it’s like becoming a whole new person.

I’ve loved every person she has become over the years.  I’m excited to meet who she will become next.

She’s amazing!

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With My Own Hand – a Year and a Half Later

Posted on December 2, 2013 by jimtheyouthguy

Back in March, 2012, I attended my uncle’s funeral.  Because of some things I heard and saw there, I took up letter writing – as in pen, paper, stamp, envelope and writer’s cramp.  (Read the details here ... )

Write to whom?

Not counting inmates (I write to anywhere between 3 and 7 people that are incarcerated at any given time), I have written 20 to 25 different people.  Many of them only once (especially the international ones (a global stamp costs $1.10)), but some of them numerous times.  I haven’t kept an official tally, but it is well over 120 letters.

To date (again, excluding inmates) I have received a total of 5 letters from 3 different people.  Mostly I get no response.  Occasionally I get an email response.  Sometimes I get a, “Hey, I got your letter” in a subsequent encounter.  Once I got a book.

The email responses are interesting.  Here is a typical reaction:

Hey there Jim,

I received your letter last week, and I just want to say thank you very much for it. It’s a very unusual and special thing to get a hand-written-anything these days, as it takes so much more thought and effort than an email (like this one).

It takes me about twice as much time to hand-write a letter as opposed to typing in Microsoft Word.  Sometimes I do type, but mostly I write.  The stamp costs me $.46 unless it is international; then it’s $1.10.  I use whatever envelope is lying around, so some go out in greeting card envelopes, others in a personal sized one and sometimes the good ole number 9 or 10.  I’ve used a 6″X9″ writing pad, composition book, hotel stationary, notebook paper and 8.5″X11″ computer paper.  Usually I use whatever ballpoint pen is handy, but have used a fine point flair a few times and once I used a pencil.

I’ve written to former students, my children, siblings, nieces and nephews, old friends, bloggers, people in grief and a couple of letters praising an employee to their boss.  The average letter is about 300 words, but I’ve sent notes with as few as 20 words and a longer epistle of over 3000 words (that one was typed).

Why do I spend the time and money?

I think it matters.  I think it communicates the value and worth of what is written, but more importantly, I thing it communicates the value and worth of the one to whom it is written.  Just the act of writing and sending a letter says, “You are noticed and you are worth this effort.”

Am I disappointed in the response?

No.

I didn’t really expect anything.

Until someone responds, you never know whether or not they even saw it.  It is nice to have a response with which to interact.  I like letters from my pen pals.  But, even without the interaction, it is worth it.  They are worth it.

Whether it is some wisdom I want to pass on to a former student, an old friend I remembered fondly or a blogger who wrote something that touched my heart, they are all people who have added value to my life.  I think it is important that they know that.

So I write . . .

With my own hand.

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